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Oct. 20th, 2009

i'm tired and my head hurts.
i went to a women's study/ kickoff for our women's group at church. the leader was talking about friends. she passed out a card and told us to write down three to six of our closest friends. girlfriends who we trust and who we can tell anything. you know what i wrote? .... anyone? ...... yup that is right. NOTHING.... no one. i have no friends because i cant be open and honest and let people in. i can't allow them to see what my life is really like. not just me, but dude. how can i reveal what burdens i carry when that would involve revealing things about him. about the things that i live with and deal with. so, the point is, now i really don't want to go back to church. i don't want to open up to anyone. but you are writing it here, you say. and yes you are right. but you my friends i cannot see, i don't have to look you in the face. i don't have to see you staring at me thinking what a fool i am.
well, thanks for listening. i just needed to get it out.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
qt3_14159
Oct. 21st, 2009 07:10 pm (UTC)
::HUGS::
You need anything, call me. I realize it might not work because of how you feel. But remember that you're allowed to feel however it is you do. Feelings aren't wrong.

503-442-8770 (just in case)
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )